Member-only story
I’m a Postsexual Lesbian
What it means to be past all the fuss and bother
I identify as a “postsexual lesbian.” Let me tell you why it makes me so happy.
Postsexual is not a term you might have heard before, and it’s not included prominently in the alphabet soup of the LBGTQIA+ labels. The + covers it, I suppose. I’m in a committed relationship with another postsexual woman, and it’s the best life I can imagine.
I’ve spent a lifetime of worrying about my body, like all women I have ever met. We grew up critical of ourselves and our fat thighs or bad hair days, gaining and losing 10 pounds over and over as we berated ourselves for eating a brownie.
Not so the postsexual woman! Being past all that, I eat what I want and worry about my body only to the extent that I want it to be healthy. I’m overweight, but it’s not something I worry about because of what the world sees when it looks at me; I worry about it because of the strain on my back and my joints.
My beloved therapist tells me that our 50s and 60s are when we learn acceptance of ourselves and our circumstances. I’m so lucky to have reached this age! I have the relationships with women I’ve always wanted: easy, relaxed, companionable, without the pressure of pairing off, the jealousy inherent in the dualistic heterosocial and homosocial imperative.
